Apocalypse Now
by Buffy Crazy
Summary: Anya and Xander go on vacation and get told by a demon that there is a prophecy about Xander.


**Xander Harris : Apocalypse Now**

Xander Harris closed the hood of his car and climbed inside, Anya Jenkins was already sitting in the passenger seat. Xander himself up and put the keys in the ignition, the engine started. Anya undid her seatbelt.

"Ahn? What are you doing?" Xander asked as Anya opened the door and climbed out.

"I forgot something," Anya called back, running up to the apartment.

Xander began to hum a song to himself, he started to tap the steering wheel as well.

"You know. You're quite the charmer. You're the cutest of the Scoobies, with your lips as red as rubies and your firm yet supple tight embrace," Xander had suddenly started singing. He abruptly stopped and started to try and think what he was singing.

Anya locked the front door and ran down the hall. She ran out of the apartments and down the path, she reached the car, yanked the door open, jumped inside and looked at Xander.

"Are you quite finished?" Xander asked. Anya nodded and Xander drove off.

Xander and Anya had been happy to hear that vampire and demonic activity had died down in Sunnydale. Buffy had told them to go on vacation, and they had take her up on the advice. She had pretty much arranged it.

"So what was all that about?" Xander looked at Anya, and swiftly back to the road.

"Sorry. I forgot this," Anya held up her hairbrush.

"A hairbrush?" Xander looked at the object.

"Uh huh," Anya replied. Anya started to hum, and brush her hair.

"You do know they will have hairbrushes in Mexico, we could have just got one there," Xander turned the steering wheel as they rounded a corner.

"Oh I know," Anya stopped brushing her hair and started to paw through the glove compartment. She pulled out some chewing gum, breath mints and some kind of cologne. She undid the bottle and sniffed, her face screwed up. "Eww!"

"What's that?" Xander asked.

"That would be your Uncle Rory's aftershave," Anya put the stuff back in the glove compartment and closed it. "Are we there yet?"

"Ahn, we haven't even left Sunnydale yet," Xander replied.

"Oh," Anya started to look out of the window.

"Ooh play a word game with me," Anya grinned at Xander.

"Like what?" Xander asked.

"I'll describe an adjective and I'll give you misleading clues," Anya leaned back in her chair. 

"Okaay," Xander screamed as something heavy smashed into the window of the car. Xander pulled over and got out the car. Xander overlooked the person he had ran over. The person looked at Xander, his fangs dripped with drool and his mouth was covered in blood.

"Oh you're a vampire," Xander stated. The vampire stood up and circle Xander. Xander pulled a stake out of his pocket and began to circle the vampire. The vampire lunged at Xander, who kneed it in the face. Anya jumped on it's back and the vampire threw her off, Xander ran at the vampire, who punched him in the face. Xander landed on his back, the vampire leaned in to bite. He groaned as Xander's stake poked him in the heart. Dust exploded everywhere.

Xander and Anya got back into the car and he proceeded to drive. He passed several signpost and other objects, a vampire who was hitching for a ride and a Polgara demon just up the road.

"Are we there yet?" Anya asked, looking bored out the darkened window.

"Not yet," Xander turned the steering wheel and the car rounded the corner, rain hammered on the roof of the car.

"Are we there yet," Anya asked.

"Yes," Xander replied. The rain had stopped and the sun had came out, he and Anya had stopped for lunch at a drive in and then they had continued the drive.

"Really?" Anya asked as she looked out the window.

Xander parked the car outside a tall building, and climbed out the door, Anya followed. Xander went round the back and unlocked the hood, he pulled out the suitcases and put them on the floor. He closed and locked the hood and then he picked up two of the four bags. Xander started to walk and Anya followed. They entered the hotel and Xander booked in, they were given the card key and then they went up to their room.

The elevator stopped and Xander pulled the suitcases out of it, Anya and he walked down the hall and they got to their room. Xander unlocked it and wheeled the cases in, he put stopped them on the floor and turned to Anya.

"What!" Anya asked from Xander's questioning look.

"Where are the other two cases?" Xander asked.

"You wanted to me to carry those, huh?" Anya asked.

"Yes," Xander sat on the bed, and Anya sat in the chair. Xander stood back up and left the room, he returned later with suitcases.

Xander sat at the bar, having pulled up a stool. Anya was sitting beside him. He scanned the room, he noticed some people talking at the other end of the bar, a guy and a girl playing pin ball and a guy dressed in red and black sitting at a table.

"What are we going to do?" Anya sipped her drink.

"Well we're on vacation, so I guess we'll do what other people do on vacations," Xander replied.

"Which would be?" Anya asked.

"I honestly have no clue. It's been ages since I had a vacation. But I like fighting and saving the world with Buffy, it feels better knowing there is less vampire scum walking the streets," Xander replied.

"Honey?" Anya asked. "I think you may have spoken a bit too loudly."

Xander looked around the room and noticed that all eyes were on him, "Oops," Xander took a gulp of his drink and stood up.

Anya followed and they sat down at a table. They continued their discussion which consisted of why Xander hated vampires, and why he hated Spike and why saving the world made him feel good.

They had just finished their last drinks, when the guy in red and black sauntered over to their table, he put his drink on it and sat down next to Anya.

"Can we help you, pal?" Xander asked. The guy took a drink and looked Xander in the eye.

"Do you know the slayer?" the guy asked.

"The what now?" Xander asked. The guy had red and black hair, to go with his trademark clothing.

"The slayer. Called Buffy," the guy replied. Off Xander's glance her whispered, "I'm Phoenix. I'm a demon, well a half breed anyway and I heard you mention the name Buffy and vampire in the same sentence, figured you were talking about the slayer."

"We know the slayer," Anya replied.

"Anya!" Xander snapped.

"What?"

"So you're Anya. And would you have a name?" Phoenix asked.

"Yes. It's Xander," Xander replied. "Is there a reason why you came here?"

"Vampire nest. Downtown. I know where it is and of its leader Jalonea," Phoenix replied. "I thought that maybe you could kill him."

"And you thought that why?" Xander asked. "I'm a civilian. I'm of no help to you."

"But you must have watched the slayer in action. Watched her moves, watched her slay," Phoenix took another drink from his glass, and finished it off.

"Yes I studied her, but I don't think I'd be able to take on a vampire leader somehow," Xander stood up, Anya stood up too.

Phoenix grabbed Xander's arm and pulled him, "Only you can stop them. No one else can. There is a prophecy. It prophecizes that the friend of the slayer shall come to this land and only he shall be able to stop the vampire king."

"A king?" Xander asked, open mouthed.

Xander and Anya walked stealthily through out the cemetery, following Phoenix. The half breed had led them through a cemetery already. He said he had been looking for the mausoleum.

"Are we there yet?" Xander asked. It was his turn to ask. Phoenix turned back and glared at the human.

"Nearly," Phoenix replied. "Now if you'd like to be quiet."

Xander moved his hand in front of him mouth and made a gesture as though he were locking his mouth and dispatching the key. Anya threw he scarf over her shoulder and continued to walk.

"Anya that scarf is Dr. Who worthy," Xander whispered. Anya gave him a look. The kind where her boyfriend sounded like a member of The Trio. "I'll pretend I didn't say that. And you can too."

"Here we are," Phoenix stood behind a bush. It was covering the view. Xander and Anya walked forward and Phoenix pulled the bushes back. Xander and Anya were amazed at the sight. The mausoleum had double doors, it had been painted black and there were different coloured lights flooding outside from the inside.

"Shpadoinkle!" Anya exclaimed.

"Excuse me?" Phoenix asked.

"It means wow. They didn't go too over the top did they?" Xander asked, sarcasm oozed from him.

Xander walked out into the lights. He walked to the window that was slightly dusty, he stood on tiptoe and attempted to glance inside. He was a little shorter than the window. He stood on tiptoes and started to jump.

Inside there were about ten vampires. All of them were bowing down before a big vampire sitting in a throne-like chair, atop a stage. The master, Jalonea, was giving them orders.

"He is their leader. That is Jalonea. They say that he came to these shores after he was sired by a master vampire," Phoenix and Anya had joined Xander at the mausoleum side.

"A master vamp? Or the?" Xander asked.

"What do you mean?" Phoenix asked.

"Back when Buffy first moved to Sunnydale, there was this really old vampire, like 600 years old, and he was called The Master," Xander replied.

"The master vampire that sired him went to other shores in California," Phoenix replied.

"Sunnydale is in California," Anya replied.

"I know. I think the master vampire that sired Jalonea was called Heinreich Joseph Nest," Phoenix replied.

"I think I remember Giles saying that name, way back then. Or maybe I read it in one of his books," Xander replied.

"You can read?" Anya and Phoenix asked in unison.

Xander and Anya slept peacefully. Phoenix had gone back to his residence and Anya and Xander had returned to their hotel. They had arranged to meet at the same place the next night.

The next night...

Xander took the drinks over to the table and placed them down. Phoenix was already sitting next to Anya, Xander took a seat. Phoenix took a sip of his drink and placed it back on the table.

"And you expect us to fight the vampire king how?" Xander asked.

"Well he isn't really the king of all vampires, it's just what the vampires in his group call him," Phoenix explained.

"So he isn't really all that powerful?" Xander asked.

"Not really," Phoenix replied.

"I've got an idea. You can fight them," Anya piped up.

"I can't. The prophecy says it must be the slayer's friends," Phoenix replied.

"And you think I'm strong enough to fight it? Me? Little ol' humanoid here?" Xander asked.

"Yes I do," Phoenix replied.

"When? Xander asked,

"Tonight," Phoenix replied.

"What?" Xander asked.

"You will kill Jalonea tonight," Phoenix replied.

"Hey I don't have any weapons or anything," Xander replied.

"I do," Phoenix stood up and walked out of the doors, gesturing for Anya and Xander to follow. Xander gulped down the rest of his drink and walk after Anya.

Phoenix opened his front door and walked inside, he invited Xander and Anya in and walked over to a trunk that he had behind his sofa.

The apartment reminded Xander of Angel's, that was before he had got upgraded to a big old mansion.

"Here you go," Phoenix handed Anya a couple of stakes and Xander a crossbow.

"And what we're supposed to go and fight him? With no backup?" Anya asked.

"Yes," Phoenix replied.

"Oh huh," Anya replied.

"Aren't you coming with us at least?" Xander asked.

"I'll be there. Only if things get weird with a beard though," Phoenix picked up a sword and walked out of the entrance of his apartment, past Xander and Anya.

Xander walked through the cemetery, a twig snapped, branches rustled and a vampire leaped out of the bushes. Phoenix swung his sword and the vampire turned to dust.

"Guess Jalonea knows we're coming," Xander held his crossbow out in front of him.

"Probably," Phoenix replied.

Xander, Anya and Phoenix walked out of the bushes and over to the mausoleum. Anya stood on Xander's hands and peered into the crypt.

"Um, I hate to break this to you guys, but the king is not there," Anya replied.

"No, he's here," a vampire screeched.

Xander jumped and lost grip on Anya's feet, she fell to the floor and Xander pulled her up. Anya and Phoenix turned to face what Xander was glaring at. A gang of vampires were standing before them, and a smaller one of them stood in the middle.

"Hey I know you. You're Jalonea," Xander commented to the small vampire.

"Your point being?" Jalonea asked in a sqeaky voice.

"You're so small. Who's a small little vampire?" Xander asked.

"Xander, don't mock the vampire," Phoenix replied.

"Why? Can it hurt me?" Xander asked.

"No. It's just tacky," Phoenix replied.

"Hey that's the exact conversation I had with Giles," Xander replied. A vampire ran at him and pushed him to the floor.

Xander kicked the vampire off him and Anya jumped onto it. She plunged her stake into it's chest and missed heart. The vampire pushed Anya off him and then jumped to his feet. He ran at Xander and bumped into one of the crossbow bolts. Dust exploded everywhere.

"Does this mean we win?" Anya asked looking at the king.

The rest of the vampires ran at Anya and Xander. Xander roundhoused on of them and sent them flying to the floor, he aimed his crossbow and shot the vampire's heart. Anya was currently lying on the floor, clutching her arm.

Phoenix continued to watch the battle, Anya lying on the floor still, vampires running at her and tripping over her feet, Xander rolling around on the floor with a few vampires in a corner of the clearing. Phoenix continued to watch the vampires fighting and then he leaped into the fray.

He swung his sword and decapitated the vampire that was lying on the floor next to Anya. He pulled her to he feet and she ran to help Xander. Phoenix backhanded a vampire that ran at him and kicked another, he swung his sword and beheaded them both.

Anya staked the one that was on top of Xander and he got to his feet. He aimed his crossbow and shot a vampire that was running toward Phoenix, it reduced to dust before it reached him. He shot another that was near him and aimed at another that tackled him to the floor.

Anya ran toward Phoenix and dusted a vampire that kicked him in the face, Phoenix decapitated the one that had tackled Xander. Anya, Phoenix and Xander grouped together and looked at the remaining vampire, Jalonea.

"You may have killed my army, but you will not succeed to kill me," Jalonea shouted.

"Army? You call that an army?" Anya asked.

"It was enough," Jalonea replied.

"And now they're all gone with the wind," Xander shouted.

"And you will not succeed to kill -" Jalonea began. He looked down at his chest. "No this is not good at all."

He exploded into a pile of dust. "You were saying?" Xander asked.

Xander loaded up the car and got in next to Anya, he undid the window.

"Now you stay out of trouble," Phoenix shouted.

"Hey we're going back to the Hellmouth. Home to all the trouble in the world. I don't think that staying out of it is a possibility," Xander shouted back.

Phoenix waved and Xander did up the window. He and Anya set off on a long and tiresome drive home.

"Hey guys," Buffy got up from the chair in the Magic Box and ran at Xander and Anya. She hugged them both and returned to her seat.

"Hey," Dawn looked up from the book she was reading.

"So how was your vacation?" Buffy asked.

"It was just swell," Xander replied. He sat down at the table and Anya followed.

"You didn't get into any trouble did you?" Buffy asked.

"Oh not at all," Anya glanced at Xander who winked back.

FADE TO BLACK


End file.
